I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
