So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
