My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
