I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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