just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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