O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
