Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize