I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
