His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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