a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These tits shall not be calmed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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