Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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