Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Someone signed my nipple.
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