How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
