i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
