It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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