i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
