turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
