what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
