i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
