I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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