why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
