i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
