Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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