ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
