distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
