I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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