My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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