Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
