and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
