i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He felt like a one man threesome
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
