my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
