Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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