oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize