I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
