This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
