I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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