This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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