Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
