Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
