I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
