Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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