yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
