Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
