I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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