I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
