If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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