My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
