woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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