I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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