Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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