I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
