well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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