My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
