we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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