sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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