she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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