Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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