He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
