I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
