Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have tasted many bathrooms
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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