No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
