READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
