Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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