the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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