dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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