I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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