i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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