Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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