FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
