I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
