My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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