so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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