i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
