i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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